17 Ways to Get Better Sleep

As parents—especially with newborns—there are no sweeter words than, “Go to bed. I’ve got this.”

(Can you imagine? Sigh.)

Before pregnancy and motherhood, a good night’s sleep meant 7-9 hours of uninterrupted bliss. Now, we’re lucky to get a 5-hour stretch without a feeding, diaper change, or cuddling session. In fact, a 2018 study found that the average parent gets 4 hours and 44 minutes of sleep per night for the entire first year of their child’s life.

Cue sleep deprivation.

What is sleep deprivation?

Sleep deprivation happens any time we don’t get the necessary sleep we need. And that’s not just about the number of hours we get. Even more important is the quality of sleep. Fragmented sleep, where we’re frequently woken or continue to toss and turn, is particularly damaging.

Chronic sleep deprivation happens over the course of more than three months. Which basically describes every parent ever, right? One study found that parents experienced less-than-adequate sleep for the first six years after a child is born!

While poor sleep affects both moms and dads, it’s definitely not experienced equally. On average, moms lose over an hour of sleep per night compared to dads’ 13-minutes of lost slumber.

And we totally accept sleep deprivation as a motherhood inevitability.

Beginning in pregnancy, we hear the most unhelpful comments about our sleep and fatigue:

You’re tired? Just wait till the baby gets here.

You’re tired? Just wait till the 4-, 6-, and 9-month sleep regressions.

You’re tired? Just sleep when the baby sleeps.

You’re tired? Just remember this is what you signed up for.

We’ve been conditioned to believe sleep deprivation just comes with the territory. And in those early days, we even start to wear our sleepless nights like some twisted badge of honor: Whoever slept the least deserves a medal and an extra-strong coffee. But (sadly) that espresso won’t quell the effects of sleep deprivation for long.

Effects of Sleep Deprivation

This list will probably feel very familiar. Sleep deprivation most commonly causes:

Irritability and rage
Longer healing times after delivery
Poor energy and general fatigue
Increased risk of illness
Unsafe sleep practices, like falling asleep while feeding or holding baby
Decreased reaction times, leading to more accidents
Increased risk for long term health conditions like cardiovascular disease and diabetes
Increased symptoms of anxiety and depression

The link between sleep deprivation and mental health is particularly clear in postpartum. Eliza Park, from the University of North Carolina’s Department of Psychiatry, found that lesser quality of sleep caused more severe depression symptoms in postpartum moms.

As moms, we’re never more vulnerable to mental health disorders than in the postpartum period. To be the healthiest versions of ourselves for us and our families, we have to do something.

How to Get Better Sleep as a Mother

While we might not be able to control the kiddo side of sleep in the early weeks, here are some tips to improve your own sleep (however much you’re getting these days).

Get on a good sleep schedule, going to bed and waking at the same time every day.
Get more natural sunlight during the day to regulate your circadian rhythm.
Avoid late night exercise to prevent extra blood flow from stimulating and waking your body.
Avoid caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine within 4 hours of going to bed.
Keep your bedroom environment ideal for sleep: cool, dark, and quiet.
Create sleep rituals to practice 15-30 minutes before bed, like hot baths, prayer, meditation, stretching, reading, or other relaxing activities.
Avoid long naps, especially after 4 PM.
Only use your bed for sleeping and sex, since watching TV, snacking, or working in bed can confuse your body.
Avoid screen time 30 minutes to an hour before bed.
Avoid your phone after tossing and turning, keeping to non-stimulating activities when you can’t seem to fall asleep.
Share nighttime responsibilities with your partner, planning to take turns responding to late-night wakings.

How to Help Your Kids Get Better Sleep

As your kids get older, you can help them develop good sleep hygiene, too! Most of the tips for adults also work for infants and young kids. Review the following, take what you like, and leave what you don’t! (Kids can be finicky!)

Create a calming sleep routine and do it every night before bed. A consistent routine like bath, lotion, PJs, a book, and cuddles tells your kid’s body it’s time to sleep!
Keep the room cool and dark, dressing them in comfortable sleepwear.
Add a white noise machine to drown out household noises.
Have a plan for night feedings and diaper changes, creating a designated and non-stimulating environment for those night time wake-ups.
Plan for night wakings as they get older, knowing their needs will be different than when they were younger.
Explore sleep consultants or training. With so many methods, courses, and consultations to choose from, you’ll be able to find one you and your partner feel comfortable with.

When we can’t sleep, everything feels worse.

When we’re sleep deprived, we feel overwhelmed, anxious, and on edge. It’s important to get support as soon as possible, whether it’s for sleep, managing mood, communication with our partner, or any of the other common motherhood challenges we face day-to-day. Please know there’s support available!

Keeping Mommy in Mind, my online course and virtual community, uses evidence-based and actionable guidance to support you in this journey. I’ve even included a module specifically about sleep! Take back your joy and confidence in motherhood. Start today!

Sources

Bonnet, M. H., & Arand, D. L. (2003). Clinical effects of sleep fragmentation versus sleep deprivation. Sleep medicine reviews, 7(4), 297–310. https://doi.org/10.1053/smrv.2001.0245

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2016, July 15). Sleep Hygiene Tips - Sleep and Sleep Disorders. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/sleep/about_sleep/sleep_hygiene.html.

Chahine, E. (2021, June 9). Sleep Deprivation and New Parenthood. Sleep Foundation. https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-deprivation/parents.

Richter, D., Krämer, M. D., Tang, N., Montgomery-Downs, H. E., & Lemola, S. (2019). Long-term effects of pregnancy and childbirth on sleep satisfaction and duration of first-time and experienced mothers and fathers. Sleep, 42(4), zsz015. https://doi.org/10.1093/sleep/zsz015

Suni, E. (2020, August 14). What Is Sleep Hygiene? Sleep Foundation. https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-hygiene.